What is it worth?

The plane took off to the west tonight. Orange streaks faded into the black horizon, the sun's  "good night". North, then east, the plane took me towards home. A shadowed figure of half a mountain came into view. Memories of standing "oh too close" to the cornice and peering down the throat of the volcano...  St. Helen's. And next, Adams glows white in the night with its recent covering of snow. Standing on the summit I remember thinking "Carol you will climb higher mountains than the one you did today" And I did and I am.  A few years later a physically and emotionally spent Amy and I rested just below the summit. "Amy If you can do this you can do anything" and she did. She finished and climbed high in the world of academia. To the north now, I barely make out Rainier. After my hysterectomy and a tough year in our marriage, Charlie and I climbed to Camp Muir at 10,000 ft and pitched our tent below at Moon Rocks. I felt rather small on that big mountain. Memories swell in my mind. I feel alive,  real.

Backpacking, peak bagging, walking  the horizontal mountains along the Camino in Spain and France, I loved it all.

Each climb, each Camino, each encounter with nature has been etched in my memory banks. When Charlie mentions "Snowgrass Flats" (along the PCT in Goat Rocks Wilderness of Washington State}, I remember the smell, the taste, the feel  of that place.  It's hard to forget such beauty and wonder.  When I am asked why I would want to hike or climb or walk  or any other adventure... what do I get from such craziness...I don't know what to say.  There are not words to describe the gifts these adventures have presented me. And unless you have been to the top and said to yourself  "Now I know why climbers climb", you cannot understand.  These lessons of mental and physical determination are now what guide me through the symptoms of Parkinson's disease.

Immeasurable worth. Pilgrim Robin introduced me to that term yesterday. I am not sure I can fathom the depth of those two words. Immeasurable worth. All through my life I have been presented with gifts of immeasurable worth.

Today I saw Dr Amie Peterson at OHSU. She has been treating my Parkinson's for nearly 5 years now. Her smile of recognition as she walked by me in the waiting room put a spear of warmth into my heart. She was as excited to see me as I was to see her.

When she was done with her exam she smiled, and looking me straight in the eyes said "Carol, you are doing good. Really good."

I inquired "how much longer are you going to be here?" " My grant last two more years". And I said...."you had better stay"...not finishing it...what I really wanted to say..."until I am cured of Parkinson's.  You had better stay at OHSU to see me cured of Parkinson's".

The plane starts to make its descent.  Almost to Pendleton I spotted it...  The moon. Orange, waning slightly, rising from the black horizon, welcoming the evening, preparing to illuminate the night landscape of the place I call home.  Beautiful. Etched in my memory banks.This moment in time.

I have been given gifts of immeasurable worth. Parkinson's included. Yes, even that.