"I am a much happier person since my diagnosis, and for that I am thankful for this event in my life".
But what if the "coat" no longer fits?
The day I received my initial diagnosis of Parkinson's disease, I did not drive straight home. I stopped and bought myself a new coat.
That day came to mind, as I participated in a round table discussion at a Parkinson's Seminar in Eugene, Oregon.The question was presented "What did you do when you first heard those words "You have Parkinson's Disease?"
I blurted out "Oh, I went out and bought a coat." All eyes darted to me. I was expected to explain.
"That coat fit me well. It represented a time and place in my life. A career where I dressed in suits and dresses. A position that changed me into a person I never thought I would be. Some of that was good, some not so good.
That coat no longer fits me. Leave it to say I have gained 40 lbs since my diagnosis. But also it represents who I was pre Parkinson's diagnosis. I am so different now."
I turned to the woman on my right, a college professor with a brand new diagnosis. As tears rolled down her cheeks, I knew what I was about to say was too raw, too fresh for her to understand. Yet I had to say it, because it was that very moment I had discovered it was my TRUTH. "I am a much happier person since my diagnosis, and for that I am thankful for this event in my life". The entire table quieted and listened even more carefully to my words. Lightening it up a little seemed like a good idea so I planned my next comment "I have been permanently excused from JURY DUTY! I get to park right close to the Supermarket entrance! I have new hobbies, new friends, no responsibility for the tax payers dollars! I feel softer, rounder, stronger, and definitely tougher. The daily stress I once felt is replaced by peace. The anger I once harbored is gone. I find it difficult to get really mad, or really hurt. I am thankful." We sat there, in quiet for a moment, around that table, the four People with Parkinson's and their loved ones or caregiver, pondering, I am guessing "Can one really be at peace with this disease?"
Before leaving on my solo Camino, one year after that first agonizing march across Spain, my husband bought me a new coat. This was not to replace the coat I purchased the day of my diagnosis with Parkinson's, but my old rain jacket. Of course he would want me to have the best gear. It was going to wrap itself around my body and be my protection when he was not there personally. The old rain coat that had traveled scrunched up in my pack for most of its life was replaced by this bright green Marmot Minimalist jacket Charlie purchased, not even on sale. The color made me very happy. I loved it. Rainproof yet breathable, perfect. This jacket had a great hood, with a bill even! The underarm pitzips, vented back, and pockets that closed with Velcro or zipped: so many options it had! Most importantly, it did not look good with dresses, or suits from the work world. It fit the "me", the new me who had Parkinson's Disease.
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